Sunday, 3 October 2010

A Vision of the Future?

(Note: This was written in 2007. Not quite sure what I was on at the time, but it raised a chuckle)

Here's a conversation I imagine I'll be having with my son (who for the purposes of this blog we'll call Paddy Jr) in twenty years time. Is this a frightening vision of the future, or the rantings of a madman?

Paddy Jr: Daddy, my friends in school are telling me there used to be another season. Are they lying?

Paddy: No son. You're friends are right. It was called Summer.

Paddy Jr: Like that chick from Firefly?

Paddy: Er.... yeah.

Paddy Jr: So why did they stop summer?

Paddy: Well son, back in the year 2007, everyone was really looking forward to summer, and we thought, briefly, during May and June, that it was on its way. But it never came. There were floods, and storms, and lightning and enough hail in London-

Paddy Jr: Where dad?

Paddy: Oh, sorry, forgot they renamed it Baytown after Michael Bay, ruler of the world, a few years back. Anyway, enough hail in what was once London that it looked like a blizzard of snow. Once the trees gave up, and started to lose their leaves, it was simply decided to make July the first month of autumn instead.

Paddy Jr: What was summer like Dad?

Paddy: Er... kinda like spring, only a bit warmer.

Paddy Jr: Like in France?

Paddy: Sort of.

Paddy Jr: Wow. Summer. Wish I could've seen it.

Paddy: Me too son. Me too.


Paddy Jr: My friends also told me that you might not be my dad, on account of how mum likes to sleep with the postman and the milkman, sometimes together.

Paddy: Let me tell you another story son. It's all about why your mother is a little whore who wouldn't even let me see you at weekends.

Paddy Jr: Is that why you kidnapped me?

Paddy: Could be son, could be.

Paddy Jr: I wish you didn't drink so much Daddy.

Paddy: Fuck you.

No comments:

Post a Comment