Thursday, 5 August 2010

Avengers Assemble? part 10

Okay then, in this run down of what you might expect to see in the upcoming Avengers movie, we've looked at every single member of the Avengers themselves, some of their villains and a few supporting characters. What to look at in this, the final part of my series of blogs on the Avengers movies? Locations? Weapons? Vehicles? Nah. Let's be honest, a whole blog about Quinjets and Avengers Mansion isn't going to be the most interesting. So how about instead, I use this one to focus on things we definitely won't be seeing? Sure, I've already established that we won't see any Fantastic Four, X-Men or Spider-Man characters because of rights issues, we won't be seeing Living Lightning because he wears massive shoulder pads, no Deathcry because she's really shit, and no MODOK because he's TOO awesome. Well, that and he looks like this:-

So, what or who else will you almost certainly never, ever see in an Avengers movie?

The Mitey 'Vengers

Yes. Child versions of the Avengers. So, a while back, the X-Men villain Mojo, a character who lives in a universe which revolved around television where ratings were everything, found that the ratings for his shows skyrocketed when they included the X-Men. So he would frequently try to kidnap the X-Men and force them to be fight for their lives on television. On one of these occasions, the X-Men were turned into, I shit you not, the X-Babies. The X-Babies were an even bigger hit than the X-Men, so when the X-Men inevitably escaped, Mojo created his own X-Babies, and put them on television. Until the X-Babies escaped. They set up their own X-Mansion and lived in the Mojoverse, having many grand adventures, and meeting their grown up counterparts on more than one occasion. Of course, Mojo didn't like losing his biggest ratings draw, so often tried to get the X-Babies back. And how did he do this? Baby versions of the Avengers, dubbed the Mitey 'Vengers. Who of course ended up turning on Mojo and working with the X-Babies. Ain't they the darlingest?


In What If? issue #105, Marvel introduced the character of Spider-Girl. In a story set roughly fifteen years in the future, the daughter of Peter Parker inherited his powers and followed in his webbed footsteps. The story proved so popular that Marvel launched not only an ongoing Spider-Girl comic, but other comics set in the same future. One of these was A-Next, or Avengers Next, chronicling the adventures of the future Avengers. The team included Thunderstrike (son of the original Thunderstrike), Stinger (Cassie Lang, the daughter of the second Ant Man), Mainframe (a robot created by Tony Stark), J2 (the son of the Juggernaut), American Dream (the daughter of Sharon Carter) and, eventually, Spider-Girl and Sabreclaw (the son of Wolverine). It wasn't an amazing comic, but it was fun while it lasted. It's not the only possible future of the Avengers that Marvel have shown us (Earth X, The Last Avengers Story, the Avengers Next animated movie and a lot more), but it was probably the one which lasted longest.

The Squadron Supreme

For decades, the most requested team-up or crossover in comics was the Avengers vs DC's Justice League of America. Obviously, with the two teams being owned by two seperate companies, it was unlikely to happen. Didn't stop Marvel though. They created their own thinly veiled version of the JLA in the Squadron Supreme. Hyperion is Superman, Nighthawk is Batman, Power Princess is Wonder Woman, the Whizzer is the Flash, Doctor Spectrum is Green Lantern and on and on. Unexpectedly, the Squadron Supreme proved so popular that they returned time and again, eventually getting their own mini series. They continued to appear regularly, as did their evil counterparts, the Squadron Sinister. Recently, J. Michael Straczynski has taken the basic idea of the Squadron Supreme (or the JLA) and completely revamped it in Supreme Power, an excellent comic which asks "What if Superman was raised by the government, rather than kindly farm types?" If we ever see the Squadron Supreme on film, it's more likely to be based on this version. They will never meet the Avengers in a movie.

And that brings us nicely on to...

The Justice League of America

The Avengers did eventually meet the JLA in one of the biggest and best intercompany crossovers ever. Written by Kurt Busiek, a man who wrote one of the best Avengers runs ever and had also done good work with the League, and drawn by George Perez, widely regarded as one of the best Avengers artists out there and one of the best Wonder Woman artists going as well, it pit the two teams against each other before having them come together to face a common foe. It also featured every single character who had ever been a member of either team up to that point (even featuring all of them togeter on the cover of issue #3. That's around two-hundred characters on one cover). So, fans finally saw Superman fight Thor, Batman take on Captain America, Hawkeye versus Green Arrow, the Flash against Quicksilver, and many more. It was brilliant fun, and more than lived up to the expectations. It's a shame that a film of this will never happen, since DC seem to have given up on the idead of a JLA movie. The rights thing though, that's less of an issue. With DC owned by Warner Brothers and Marvel owned by Disney, all it would take would be a Who Framed Roger Rabbit? type deal to make it possible. Well, a geek can dream.

Jarvis as the Crimson Cowl

Yep, the Avengers faithful butler once became the villain the Crimson Cowl because his mum was sick and Ultron offered him money to help her. Yes, there was some hypnosis involved as well, but to be honest, while this storyline came during a classic period of Avengers history, the idea that Jarvis would ever go to a villain before confiding in the Avengers themselves just never sat right with me, and certainly doesn't seem in character for the Jarvis who has been appearing in comics ever since. This won't ever happen.

The Great Lakes Avengers

Mr Immortal! Flatman! Doorman! Big Bertha! Squirrel Girl! What? You've never heard of them? But... But... Squirrel Girl was created by Steve Ditko! She's beaten Doctor Doom and is friends with the Thing! Seriously? Oh, well. That's probably because the Great Lakes Avengers are rubbish. Intentionally so, don't get me wrong. Marvel uses these guys strictly for laughs (often teaming them with Deadpool these days), and they've been in some truly hilarious comics, but even though Hawkeye was once a member (very, very briefly) they won't be lighting up cinema screens any time soon.

Mutated Wasp

I don't know who at Marvel thought it would be a good idea to mutate the Wasp into some kind of freakish giant bug creature. They were wrong. Bad, bad idea. Thankfully, not long after, Heroes Reborn happened and Wasp went back to being a human woman. Who could shrink. And grow wings. And fire stun blasts.

The Thunderbolts

We've actually already covered these guys. The Thunderbolts first appeared soon after the Avengers were presumed dead after Onslaught. They were a new team of heroes who were attempting to fill the void left by the loss of the Avengers and the Fantastic Four. Only they weren't. They were the Masters of Evil in disguise. Baron Zemo had a plan for world domination which began with the Masters masquerading as heroes and gaining the publics trust. Only it backfired. After playing hero for a while, the other Masters of Evil actually found they preferred it, and began genuinely trying to reform. Thunderbolts is a great concept for a movie, and don't be surprised if Marvel do end up trying to get them on screen somehow, but despite the number of times they've clashed with the Avengers, a crossover is very unlikely.

Thor Frog

Thor got turned into a frog one time for an entire issue of his comic. It was brilliant. And while it should definitely happen in an Avengers movie, it won't.

The Pet Avengers

Yes. The Pet Avengers. A team of Avengers. Made up of animals. Thor Frog. The Inhumans dog, Lockjaw. Devil Dinosaur. The Falcon's falcon, Redwing. Even Aunt May's dog, Ms Lion. The comic is actually quite funny and worth a look, but it shouldn't happen on film. Wait a second... Disney own Marvel now... oh, God, this is going to be an animated movie, isn't it?

And on that note, we're finally done. That's it. The end of my Avengers blogs. Hope you've enjoyed them, and if you didn't.... well, fuck you. I enjoyed writing them. Okay, I'm off to start work on my next project. I'm gonna write something so awesome that Marvel will have to make it their next film! It's time for...

MODOK: The Musical

Because MODOK is awesome.

The Ever-lovin' End.

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